A Brief Sketch of My Life

From the book ‘Kitab al-Bariyya’

by Hazrat Mirza Ghulam Ahmad of Qadian

Chapter 4. Spiritual Experiences

I would have been about thirty-four or thirty-five years old when my revered father died. I had been told in a dream that the time of his death was nigh. When I had this dream, I was at Lahore. Then I hurriedly returned to Qadian and found him suffering from dysentery. But it was not at all expected that he would die on the second day after my arrival. For, the intensity of the disease had subsided and he used to keep sitting up entirely by his own strength.

The next day, at the heat of noon, all of us relatives were present in his service when the Mirza sahib told me out of kindness to take a little rest at the time because it was the month of June and the heat was intense. I went to take rest in a room on the house top, and a servant started pressing my feet. In a short while, as I dozed off slightly, the revelation came to me:

وَ السَّمَآءِ وَ الطَّارِقِ

Wa-s-sama‘i wa-t-tariq,

meaning, By the heaven which is the source of fate and destiny, and By the calamity to befall today after sunset. I was given to understand that this revelation was a sort of condolence from God the Most High, and the calamity was that my father would die that very day after sunset. Glory be to Allah, what eminence does the great Lord possess, that He mentions by way of condolence the death of a man who has passed away regretting having wasted his life. Most people would wonder as to what is meant by condolences from God the Most High. But it should be remembered that when the Honoured, Glorious God casts the look of mercy on some one, He deals with him in this manner like a friend. Similarly, the laughter of God mentioned in Hadith is in the same sense.

The gist of it is that when I received the revelation from God about the death of my late revered father, which I have just mentioned, then due to human nature it occurred to me that as certain sources of income were dependent upon my father’s life, we know not what tribulations we would have to face. Then immediately I received this second revelation:

اَلَیۡسَ اللّٰہُ بِکَافٍ عَبۡدَہٗ

a laisa-allahu bi-kaf-in abda-hu,

meaning

“Is God not sufficient for His servant?”

This revelation bestowed wonderful tranquillity and peace of mind and it got implanted in my heart like a steel nail. Now I swear by the God of glory and honour, Who holds my life in His hands, that He fulfilled for me this revelation containing good news in ways that I could not even conceive of or imagine. He became my surety in a way that no father could possibly have ever been. He showered upon me His favours continuously, so much so that it is entirely impossible for me to count them. My father died the same day after sunset. This was the first day that, through God’s revelation, I experienced a sign of mercy about which I cannot imagine that it will ever terminate during my lifetime. Those very days, I had that revelation engraved on a stone and then encased it in a ring which I have kept very securely till today.

In short, about forty years of my life were spent under the care of my revered father. Just as he was taken from the world, I started receiving Divine revelations with great intensity. I cannot say at all what I had done because of which this Divine bounty was bestowed on me. I only have an inner feeling that by nature my heart is so drawn to God the Most High, with fidelity, that nothing has the power to stop this attraction. This is only His bounty. I have never even indulged in rigorous spiritual exercises, nor like some of the present-day Sufis subjected myself to intense spiritual exertions or gone into seclusion for forty days for worship. Nor did I perform any act of asceticism opposed to the Sunna [practice of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)], which would be objectionable under the Holy Quran. In fact, I have always been disgusted with such faqirs [ascetics] and followers of innovations who indulge in all sorts of novel practices.

Undertaking Spiritual Rigours:

However, during the lifetime of my revered father, when his death was very near, it so happened once that I saw in a dream an aged holy man of a pure countenance. He mentioned that the keeping of fasts in order to receive heavenly illumination is the tradition of the family of the Holy Prophet, thereby hinting that I should follow this example of the Holy Prophet’s household. So, I considered it proper to observe fasts for some time. However, it occurred to me at the time that it would be better to do so secretly. So, I adopted the routine that I would send for my meal from [the women’s part of] the house to the men’s sitting room. Then I would secretly give that food to some orphans whom I had selected beforehand and instructed to be present at the proper time. Thus, I would spend the whole day in fasting, and none would be aware of these fasts besides God the Most High.

After two or three weeks I found that these fasts, during which I ate a full meal once a day, were no hardship to me, and so I had better reduce my food somewhat. Consequently, from that day I started reducing my food until I was subsisting on just one piece of bread during the whole day and night. And thus, I continued to reduce my food till it was perhaps only a few grammes of bread during twenty-four hours. I continued in this way probably for eight or nine months, and in spite of such a tiny amount of food which would not satisfy even an infant two or three months of age, God the Most High preserved me from every trouble and calamity.

Experience of Visions:

Among the wonders of this kind of fasting that I experienced, are those fine visions which were shown to me during that period. Accordingly, I met some of the prophets of the past and saints of high ranks who have passed in this Ummah (the Muslim nation). Once, while fully awake, I saw the Holy Prophet Muhammad, on whom be peace and the blessings of Allah, along with Hasan, Husain, Ali, God be pleased with him, and Fatima, God be pleased with her. This was not a dream but a state of wakefulness. In short, in this manner I met many sanctified personages, an account of which would be lengthy.

Apart from this, spiritual illuminations appeared symbolically in the form of green and red pillars, so beautiful and captivating that it is impossible to describe them in words. Those pillars of light rose straight to the skies, some of them brightly shining white, some green and some red. They had such an affinity with the heart that to look at them brought immense joy to it. There can be no delight in the world like that which was felt by the heart and soul on seeing them. I believe that those pillars showed a symbolic form of the union of the love of God and man. That is to say, there was one light that rose from the heart and another light that descended from above, and their union took the form of a pillar. These are spiritual matters which the world cannot recognize because they are far removed from its eyes. However, there do exist such people in the world who are given information about these matters.

To sum up, as a result of fasting for this length of time, the wonders that were disclosed to me, were various forms and types of visions. Another advantage that accrued to me was that after these rigours I found myself to be such that, when need be, I could bear hunger with the greatest patience. Many a time it has occurred to me that if a strong man who, in addition to being heavily built, is also a wrestler, were compelled to starve along with me, he would die before I feel restless for food. This also proved to me that to a certain extent man can develop his power of bearing hunger, and I believe that until his body can bear such hardships an ease-loving person cannot be fit for the higher spiritual ranks.

However, I do not advise every one to do so, nor did I do this of my own accord. I have seen many ignorant ascetics who indulged in severe religious exercises and at last, because of the effect on the mind, became insane and spent the rest of their life suffering from madness. Or, they fell victims to other diseases such as phthisis, tuberculosis, etc. Mental faculties of all human beings are not the same. Hence, no kind of severe bodily rigour can suit those whose faculties are naturally feeble, and they soon fall victim to some dangerous illness. So, it is better that man should not, of his own accord, submit himself to rigorous spiritual exercises, but just follow the religion of humility. However, if there is a revelation from God the Most High, and it is not contrary to the resplendent law of Islam, then it is necessary to carry it out. But the rigorous exercises taught by most of the foolish ascetics of the present times do not lead to a good end. These, therefore, must be avoided.

Spiritual Hardship was to Come:

It should be remembered that it was after having received knowledge from God the Most High by means of clear visions that I undertook my share of physical hardship for eight or nine months and tasted of hunger and thirst. Subsequently I gave up following this regime regularly, but still resorted to it at times. While all this happened, yet the share of spiritual hardship was still to come. Of that share, I have experienced these days by means of the vituperation, abusive language, condemnation as kafir [non-Muslims], and insults from the religious leaders of my people, and similarly also through the abuse and offence from other ignorant ones. What I have experienced of this, I believe that during the thirteen hundred years after the Holy Prophet Muhammad rarely would anyone have met with it to that extent. Fatwas [religious edicts] of heresy were prepared against me, proclaiming me as worse than all heathens, Christians and atheists. The foolish ones of the community, through their newspapers and journals, hurled such abuses at me that I have not yet found their parallel in the life of any other man. So, I offer thanks to God, the Most High, that I was tried with hardships of both kinds.

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